You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
