I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
MIDGETS
????
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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