Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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