shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
