you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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