I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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