I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
