We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
