there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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