definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
