my vag is so smooth its legendary
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
