I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
