are you so shy because you have an std?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
