The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
either way he was missing a nipple.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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