the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
