you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
