uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
