I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
