I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I didn't notice because vodka
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize