One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
