just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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