here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Be still, my beating vagina.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Text me some of your sweat
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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