I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize