Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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