So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
