he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
