Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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