just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
