Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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