3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
