Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
