my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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