sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
