there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
