so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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