some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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