Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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