ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
