Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
