I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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