Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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