The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
