You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
