i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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