My sheets look like a crime scene.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they're like a gay fantastic four
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
