Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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