Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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