i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
