Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
