I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
