My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Four minutes until I can fart!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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