I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
