Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
