just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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