O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i will never coherently bang her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize