Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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