Betty ford says i'm here all night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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