We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize