I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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