was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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