Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
