So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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