don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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