The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
