so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
