i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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