i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
