Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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