The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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