I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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