Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You pole danced in your parka.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
