He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize