take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
