And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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