Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
