Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
