Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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